Bridal Party
Samuel - Best Man
Samuel Walters, Kevin's brother, a man who firmly believes he was once abducted by aliens (they mostly complained about Earth's lackluster selection of intergalactic cable channels), communicates primarily through interpretive dance and the occasional yodeling. He is a three-time champion of the National Air Guitar Championships, though he insists his victories were due to his telepathic connection to Jimi Hendrix (who, according to Samuel, gives him "killer riffs" from beyond the grave). When not busy battling invisible ninjas in his backyard, Samuel enjoys sculpting cheese into life-sized replicas of his favorite philosophers, much to the dismay of his local cheese monger.
Amy - Maid of Honor
Amy, Martha's sister, and a woman who can identify over 150 different breeds of squirrels by their tail flick alone, once won a staring contest against a statue of Winston Churchill (she claims he blinked first). Rumor has it she holds the world record for most marshmallows eaten in a single sitting, a feat she accomplished while simultaneously reciting the entire script of "Hamlet" backwards. Amy is also a certified expert in the ancient art of spoon bending, though she mostly uses her powers to win free ice cream at her local parlor.
Kevin - Groomsman
Kevin, Martha's brother, a man who swears his lucky socks once scored him a winning lottery ticket (he lost the ticket, of course), claims to be fluent in dolphin but mostly just uses it to order fish tacos at the beach. He is renowned for his uncanny ability to perfectly balance any object on his nose, a skill he proudly displays at parties, much to the chagrin of his long-suffering wife. Kevin also believes he is the reincarnation of a medieval jester, though his attempts at juggling usually end with a trip to the emergency room.
Kim - Bridesmaid
Kim, Martha's sister-in-law, a woman who insists she can predict the weather based solely on the behavior of her pet goldfish (who, she claims, is secretly a reincarnated meteorologist), once knitted a life-sized replica of the Eiffel Tower using only dental floss. She is a master of disguise, often blending seamlessly into crowds by pretending to be a potted plant or a coat rack. Kim also holds the prestigious title of "World's Loudest Snorter," a talent she proudly showcases at any given opportunity, much to the amusement (and slight terror) of those around her.
Gilbert - Groomsman
Gil, Martha's brother, a man who claims to have once ridden a unicorn to work (he blames the ensuing traffic jam on "jealous motorists"), firmly believes that pigeons are government spies in disguise. He is a self-proclaimed expert in the art of competitive thumb-wrestling, and his legendary "Thumb of Fury" is feared throughout the underground thumb-wrestling circuit. Gil also possesses the uncanny ability to communicate with garden gnomes, though their conversations mostly revolve around the rising cost of fertilizer and the best way to deter lawn-trampling squirrels.
Alli - Bridesmaid
Alli, Martha's sister-in-law, who is convinced she can photosynthesize, insists on wearing a full-body green morph suit and sunbathing in public parks, much to the confusion of onlookers. She claims to subsist entirely on sunlight and "the tears of her enemies" (which, thankfully for her enemies, mostly consists of pickle juice). Her greatest ambition in life is to break the world record for the longest uninterrupted nap, a feat she believes will unlock the secrets of the universe and grant her the ability to communicate with squirrels.
Margaret - Groomsman
Margaret, Kevin's sister, a former trapeze artist who claims to have been abducted by aliens (who, she insists, were "remarkably rude" and "had terrible taste in music"), now spends her days attempting to contact extraterrestrial life using a complex system of tin foil hats and interpretive dance. She believes she is the reincarnation of Cleopatra and demands to be addressed as "Your Majesty" while riding her mobility scooter through the supermarket, much to the amusement of the teenage employees. Her apartment is filled with what she claims are ancient Egyptian artifacts, though they bear a suspicious resemblance to items found in a local dollar store.
Helen - Bridesmaid
Helen, Kevin's sister, a woman who firmly believes she was a cat in a past life, has transformed her house into a feline wonderland complete with elaborate climbing structures made of yarn and strategically placed scratching posts that double as "modern art." She refuses to speak "human" and instead communicates solely through a series of meows, hisses, and purrs, which she believes everyone understands perfectly. Her attempts to teach her cats to perform synchronized swimming routines in her bathtub have, so far, been met with limited success (and a few soggy carpets).